One thing that consoles me about getting older is that I have gathered wisdom with my age or at least I hope so! Like all of us, years of situations and relationships have been great learning experiences and these learning experiences I take into my next situations or relationships. We learn and gather information and then we try to keep only what is valuable and useful. That is wisdom to me. I also have learned that the only sure thing is that NOTHING IS FOR SURE! Just when you think that the planets are aligning for you and things are going your way, you can blink your eyes and POOF! It all changes! But the same happens when you think everything is NOT going your way. You might think that everything is going to hell and yet some miracle suddenly happens!
I have been thinking about how this goes for our romantic relationships, too! Being in a relationship is like playing Russian Roulette. You can put all your chips on one number and color and you see the ball bouncing around as the roulette spins. There it goes spinning fast. You can’t really see the numbers but you do see the white ball moving from black to red from 10 to 4 to 16 until finally it stops on a totally different number and totally different color than you chose. You lose all your chips. If you are lucky, you are left with one last lucky chip. You feel miserable, lost and a loser. You put that single chip on a random number. You feel hopeless. And suddenly, VOILA!!!! You win and the house pays double and you start winning again!!
I love my life and I love my work. My store gives me the opportunity to talk to so many people. I enjoy talking with couples and asking them how many years they have been married and, of course, I get all different numbers as you can imagine from 1 to 60. I like to ask these couples to reveal the recipe for a long and successful marriage. You should see the facial expressions I get! You would think that I am asking them what is going to be the next winning lottery number!
My personal theory about a good relationship is willingness. To me WILLINGNESS encompasses so much; willingness to be patient, willingness to forgive, willingness to be selfless etc. . . . Of course, I hear all the expected answers from couples: good communication, tolerance, open mindedness. We all know this. However, I think there are a lot of other LOGICAL things that make for successful marriages or partnerships. Here’s a list!
1. Having your own bathrooms.
2. Spending time and engaging with the other’s family.
3. Enjoying the same restaurants or foods at home.
4. Loving the same pet.
7. Having an affinity for the other’s hygiene habits (or non-habits)!
8. Equally seeing the importance of staying attractive for one another.
9. Allowing the other to drive in peace with no passenger commentary!
10. Happily participating in parties or movies or anything the other likes to do (even though the other one doesn’t particularly enjoy it)!
11. Decide that if politics are discussed, make sure you are on the same page. Otherwise, don’t talk politics.
12. Having the same moral values.
13. Biting your tongue when your partner contradicts you in front of your kids.
14. If one of you needs to talk, let that person talk even if you are fake listening for hours!
15. If you are a shoe lover, always have enthusiasm for every new pair your partner brings home!
The list can go on and on. Will you help me to increase it? Write me and let me know what yours are.