Do You Miss Me?
The other night, I got together with a good friend of mine. Let me first preface that he and I have been friends for many, many years now. I should also mention that he is originally from Europe, and that he and I are REALLY just friends, nothing more. In fact, the reason we each other’s company is because we are able to discuss topics that we both enjoy, such as art, design, travel, and gossip. We can pick each other’s brain about relationships, love and such as well. (Maybe I’m really the only one picking his brain).
As we were having Chinese take out for dinner the other night, we got on the subject of relationships. I asked him why is it that sometimes women have to pull thoughts and feelings out of their man’s mind? This is a common conversation amongst my girlfriends and I. We need to hear certain things from our partner(s). What kinds of things do we need to hear? …… I love you, I miss you, you are the world to me, etc! And the truth is that sometimes, if we don’t hear what we want to hear, we figure we need to ASK our partner. It’s like… hmmm, you’re not telling me that you miss me, but you MUST miss me, so I’m going to give you the opportunity to tell me: “Do you miss me?” Of course, that’s always a catch 22, because when we get a response, yay or nay, we don’t generally believe it!!!!
Well, my European friend asked me why do we ask these questions? I responded that we just need to know sometimes, we need some reassurance, some comforting, and sometimes even just to be playful. He says that when he has been asked before in the past, it generally never turns out well mainly because he would rather be honest and so sometimes he has said….. “No, I don’t miss you.” What?!!! (As I almost choked on my spring roll!). Exactly he pointed out. “I believe in sincerity,” he explained.
But maybe we don’t want sincerity?! NO, that’s not true either. I’m just accustomed to a culturally different response (Latin American, maybe Western European). Their response could be more playful about it, maybe they do say no but they say it in a way that is flirty and makes you forget what you asked.
My friend thought that was wrong. Why would you say yes if you don’t really mean it?! We argued about it. He stared me down with his deep blue eyes while I tried piercing him with my own brown eyes. I kept insisting that he should say it, just to make his partner feel good. He insisted no, why be untruthful. We kept going back and forth, like an arm wrestling match!
We didn’t come to a conclusion about it that evening, we just laughed it off (kind of, I think we were both stubbornly thinking our way was better!). As women, maybe we shouldn’t ask those questions? Maybe we should just wait and allow the boyfriend to come to say it on his own terms? Does it mean I need to hold back and not say “I miss you” either? Silliness. People, men/women/whatever, should speak your feelings. It’s nice to share. And if you don’t have those feelings or you’re not hearing it from your lover… maybe they’re not the one? I like to be playful version with my relatives and my friends. He later walked me to my car, and I was tempted to ask him “next time if I ask you if you miss me, will you say yes?” but I didn’t because I already knew the answer.
PS. In my personal experience, I’ve been fortunate enough to have said it and heard it plenty of times. <3
Readers, what are YOUR thoughts?! E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org