What would you do if you were told that you were going to die tomorrow at 5pm? Hypothetically speaking, of course…
What would I do? Run? Seek solace? Seek forgiveness? Seek redemption of some sort? Ask to be held? Hold the ones I love most? Eat? Make love? Cry? Feel relief?
I think I know for sure that I would not go running to ask for forgiveness from people that I DID NOT intentionally hurt. I feel that it would be a little too late to say I am sorry. You might think that is wrong of me, but I am being honest, not trying to be bitchy! I think I am aware of the power of asking to be forgiven. I have experienced forgiveness first hand and it has given me peace of mind and soul. But I do not think I even have it clear who I would ask for forgiveness, but I know I have feelings of being wronged by someone. I am sure I have caused the same at some point. But they will have to deal with me not coming to terms. I do not think that is how I will spend my last moments.
I would not rush to tell my loved ones that I love them either. I feel they each already know how much I love them and that I have always given them my one hundred percent. I have been very loving to my children, my grandchildren and my parents and when it comes to my romantic love partners . . . WOOAAAAHH!!!! I go all the way showing them my love. I do not fear showing my love.
It will be too late to ruminate on regrets and much too late to take a trip from my bucket list! I have traveled quite a bit, but it is never enough. There is always one more city, one more ocean, one more museum that I could see. But it will be too late. I will simply enjoy my home, Santa Fe, the sky, the dirt, the light. I would call my children, my grandchildren, my brother and my friends. Or would I? What would I say though? I love you. Do not forget me? Of course, I would be with my special person because connection is what makes us feel alive . . . and I would want to feel alive for the last few hours of my life.
But I do not write this in a melancholic way. We all know that every single one of us is going to have to end this trip of life at some point. Who knows how much time in advance we will get to reflect on it. I heard someone recently talking about being 82, in good health, having success in his passion of writing, and yet still, he was preparing mentally and in his soul for the imminence of death.
Now as I write, I think I might be less concerned with the life I am leaving than the life I am GOING TO. If there is one but I do not need to feel like I am dying to reflect on this. I read that if you get medically close to death, there is the experience of light beyond that you are going toward and a sense of peace, seeing people from your past, your life flashing in front of you. But I have also read that when having a near death experience in an accident, you become hyper aware of your surroundings. Your senses are amplified - like a vampire - but you also do not feel stress, just awareness. Both experiences are peaceful. At least that is what those who have been close say. How is it when you know that death is in a few hours?
I really do try living in the present. It does take practice and discipline. However, I cannot help that memories are part of my life. I find myself often reminiscing to myself. I think of the good and the bad that has happened to me - all the time. I wonder if I would be wandering down memory lane my last hours or will I maintain the ability to live in the moment?
Quantum physics says there is a double of myself out there. Will I have a reunion with my other self and flow around the galaxies? I hope I can wear my red lipstick and high heels! Or will we reincarnate? I do not believe in this. I want to be responsible for what I do in this life. I do not want my next person to have to karmically pay for my #%@*!
I sometimes express to people that I was raised Catholic and that I find comfort in my faith when I think of death. But in reflecting on this I realize, I am not thinking of Jesus Christ and being comforted by God. I am remembering my parents and being a child. Catholic to me is my family, my childhood. I remember the smell of the trees when rain would fall in the city where I was raised with roses and fountains everywhere. I also think of bringing my kids to this world and holding my grandkids for the first time. I think of the Santa Fe sunsets. I think of how much I have loved and been loved. This is all peaceful. This is where my faith in the “after” lies.
What would you do - think of - act on- if tomorrow, 5pm, you started your next journey?
Send me your thoughts at my personal email
What would you do if you were told that you were going to die tomorrow at 5pm? Hypothetically speaking, of course…
Thank God for my girlfriends!! I do also love my male friends but honestly, my girlfriends are the ones who are there for me at the drop of a dime. Especially when I need to have a heart to heart conversation which is usually always. I typically go straight for the “real” talk with my girlfriends. No small talk! We often do not need to plan for this to happen either! It could be very spontaneous over trying on some shoes or it can be planned over a glass a wine at one of my favorite restaurants. I can open my heart and ask questions about family, love, the planet, shoes, relationships, the end of the world, the beginning of life, politics, racism, guns, flowers, sex-or lack of it-LOL.
I was going to say that I am lucky to have so many girlfriends but truly luck has nothing to do with it. I like to think I take time to nurture most of my friendships. I try to care for them with the same attention that I receive from them. When I was getting a divorce, I really realized that I needed to develop friendships. Ultimately, these friendships have been my saving grace during relationships just as much as when I have been single.
Friendships are not unlike romantic relationships. Actions need to be mutual. You listen to me, I’ll listen to you. You need help, I’ll be there and likewise. I have found myself having falling outs with friends. Just like when you break up from a romantic relationship, it hurts terribly. You wonder how you got to that place of breakup. You feel guilty, hurt and indignant. And the worse thing is that you know your former friend is being consoled by a DIFFERENT or NEW good friend. It is like your ex-boyfriend going dancing with another woman to get you out of his mind!!!!!
I remember having break ups with friends when I was around 12 years old. We would get mad, roll our eyes and get upset with each other and that was that. Now we delete our former friends from our social media. We get excluded from dinner parties. We run into each other at the grocery store and look away. I know that I have caused friends to be irritated with me and I have been deleted! It’s ok. I have deleted them, too. I wish deleting was simple but it is not. Being human is complicated.
As I get older, I accept that I lose some friendships but I gain others. These human connections bring happiness into my life. They enrich me and it feels good to know that I enrich them, too.
Yup… Yuppp ….Yuppp. I love my girlfriends.
IF YOU HAVE ANY COMMENTS PLEASE WRITE DIRECTLY TO MY PERSONAL EMAIL.
I was having dinner with a friend recently when she firmly asked me, as if it suddenly became an important question to her, “Why don’t the people in Mexico protest against the government?” It wasn’t as much of a question as it was a demand for an answer. I was quiet as I stared into my dish as I considered an answer for her. I picked up my gaze to look at her inquisitive eyes. She wanted an answer!
I have to ask for patience within myself sometimes when people question me about my country. I must be sensitive to their questions, understand their perspective, take a breath and not feel the defensiveness that rushes through me when these sorts of questions are asked. Mexico is a misunderstood country as are all of the Latin American countries (all 20 of them). Each one has their struggles with their government: corruption, poverty and exorbitant amounts of wealth.
The truth, I tell my friend, is that people DO take to the streets and protest. You can see it in the news. Latin America has a long history of protests. In fact, there is a whole culture of protesting! From the indigenous people claiming their land rights to the mother’s in Argentina who still, even after some forty years are still protesting the loss of their kids, los desaparecidos. All different reasons to protest. All vehemently being protested.
Maybe my friend’s question was more of an inquiry as to why there is no CHANGE in Mexico and other Latin American countries. It seems that in the United States, people rarely protest and when they do, action is taken by the government. You might not think so but coming from my country, it does look like this. The Civil Rights movements brought an enormous amount of change. Environmental stand-downs in the eighties have also brought change. And now, maybe there will be gun reform? Why are our protests in Latin America so passionate, yet not much change occurs? Pshhht…. This requires a whole lecture in a Political Science class.
In the United States we “live” in a bubble - particularly in Santa Fe. We live a comfortable, sheltered life protected from the problems of the world. Sometimes I feel guilty about this. It feels like all we need to worry about is what shoes we are going to wear and at what restaurant we are going to eat. Of course, I am exaggerating but you get my point. I do know plenty of people here who do get involved and worry about making this world more just. And, I am grateful for them.
But enough of me and this heavy subject.
Let’s enjoy the Spring and I hope to see you at the store! Or write me! Guada755@outlook.com
Recently I was watching Oprah interviewing a well-known movie producer. I cannot remember his name though. He was telling her how AWFUL a student he was in school. He struggled with his grades and following directions in class. This made me immediately like the producer! That was me! I was awful in school, TOO! Apparently, I was a bit of a trouble maker in school. I had a hard time keeping still and paying attention. I would make my classmates laugh all the time. This made me popular. However, I was a popular girl with terrible grades. I think that if I were in school now, I would likely be diagnosed with ADHD.
Another thing that made me love this producer (whose name or movies I cannot seem to remember!) was that he was very curious about knowing details about people’s lives. It helps him understand the human condition. Therefore, he tells their stories. “That’s me again!” Except that I don’t recount people’s stories by making movies! I loved that even now, being wildly successful and wealthy, he still wants to know people’s stories and all the most intimate details, their loves, their losses, their joys, their sorrows.
Again, that’s me! Except I am not rich and famous! Maybe just a little bit famous in Santa Fe. Some people might think that I talk a lot, but when I am interacting with people, I mostly ask a lot of questions. I guess you could say that I am good at making people talk. I have enough of a therapist in me that I do realize when someone does not want to open their heart up to me, but when they do, I am all ears! I love how we all have a unique and fascinating story.
A person does not have to be educated or rich to marvel at a story within them. I can still recall conversations with strangers that I had years ago that have made an impression on my life. I can remember their facial expressions, their eyes, and where we even had our conversation. It is very frustrating for my brother, who manages the finances at the store, to sit down and talk business with me. I know that when I am with him or other business people, I need to focus on businesslike matters, but the questions that come out of my mouth are usually less than business-like. Cost of goods sold, advertising budgets, open to buy…. These things are all hard for me to focus on. Yet strangely, I DO love to talk about business, but the dialogue needs to have a splash of “feelings.” Yes, you read that well. ”F E E L I N G S.”
It was refreshing to hear this producer being interviewed by Oprah. I am not the only crazy person out there. There are other people like myself and he is a MAN. One of my favorite phrases was by one of the presidents of France who said, “The feminine part of me makes me the man that I am.”
Are you anything like this? Let me know! I love to hear from you! Guada755@outlook.com
One thing that consoles me about getting older is that I have gathered wisdom with my age or at least I hope so! Like all of us, years of situations and relationships have been great learning experiences and these learning experiences I take into my next situations or relationships. We learn and gather information and then we try to keep only what is valuable and useful. That is wisdom to me. I also have learned that the only sure thing is that NOTHING IS FOR SURE! Just when you think that the planets are aligning for you and things are going your way, you can blink your eyes and POOF! It all changes! But the same happens when you think everything is NOT going your way. You might think that everything is going to hell and yet some miracle suddenly happens!
I have been thinking about how this goes for our romantic relationships, too! Being in a relationship is like playing Russian Roulette. You can put all your chips on one number and color and you see the ball bouncing around as the roulette spins. There it goes spinning fast. You can’t really see the numbers but you do see the white ball moving from black to red from 10 to 4 to 16 until finally it stops on a totally different number and totally different color than you chose. You lose all your chips. If you are lucky, you are left with one last lucky chip. You feel miserable, lost and a loser. You put that single chip on a random number. You feel hopeless. And suddenly, VOILA!!!! You win and the house pays double and you start winning again!!
I love my life and I love my work. My store gives me the opportunity to talk to so many people. I enjoy talking with couples and asking them how many years they have been married and, of course, I get all different numbers as you can imagine from 1 to 60. I like to ask these couples to reveal the recipe for a long and successful marriage. You should see the facial expressions I get! You would think that I am asking them what is going to be the next winning lottery number!
My personal theory about a good relationship is willingness. To me WILLINGNESS encompasses so much; willingness to be patient, willingness to forgive, willingness to be selfless etc. . . . Of course, I hear all the expected answers from couples: good communication, tolerance, open mindedness. We all know this. However, I think there are a lot of other LOGICAL things that make for successful marriages or partnerships. Here’s a list!
1. Having your own bathrooms.
2. Spending time and engaging with the other’s family.
3. Enjoying the same restaurants or foods at home.
4. Loving the same pet.
7. Having an affinity for the other’s hygiene habits (or non-habits)!
8. Equally seeing the importance of staying attractive for one another.
9. Allowing the other to drive in peace with no passenger commentary!
10. Happily participating in parties or movies or anything the other likes to do (even though the other one doesn’t particularly enjoy it)!
11. Decide that if politics are discussed, make sure you are on the same page. Otherwise, don’t talk politics.
12. Having the same moral values.
13. Biting your tongue when your partner contradicts you in front of your kids.
14. If one of you needs to talk, let that person talk even if you are fake listening for hours!
15. If you are a shoe lover, always have enthusiasm for every new pair your partner brings home!
The list can go on and on. Will you help me to increase it? Write me and let me know what yours are.